If You Asking Me

 if you asking me why i loved you

Here is my answer

Im in love with your confidence, there is No one can compete with your confidence, 

i said no one. 

I love the way you faced your path, keep your eyes on your ambition even though your reason for stnding on just only one. I love the way you interpret life, after losing for the sake of the loss you have gone through. 

I love you because of me. 

for your response to all the things I have told you, for your opinion of my wild thoughts. for your dreams about me and for your support for me. You treat me like something precious even though you already know I have lost everything.

I love you too for your own silhouette. and your gaze that looks like it's always counting. taking into details, diving into every second with accuracy that builds to make sense with your unique logic. in the end I have to say this. I love your smile, I love every time you smile and laugh because, my heart is full and warm.

if you ask since when i love you, 

honestly it makes me confused. because this process is not an instant, but you make step that I strand myself until I unknowingly fall into a trap. maybe those time, 

when I don't need to explain my first tattoo because somehow you already know and can interpret it by yourself. maybe when you show your weakness because of loneliness. maybe when you tell your big ambition. maybe when your chest hurts listening to my story. maybe when you ask out loud why i cry. maybe when you say that the chaos in my head is the hidden peace. maybe when you say that your happiness is only one. and maybe when you remember my little tattoo. all those things make me feel that i'm not alone.

So much has happened so far that I can't pick one

if you ask me what is the ideal thing for us to do together. who knows. too much, I'm afraid you're tired because it's obviously you will try to make it happen, because that's how you are. put everyone before yourself. but I hope you like it too. 

I want to sit next to you, singing the eccentric songs on your playlist. Hunt for sunsets on deserted beaches while sipping a bottle of beer. 

looking for a snack in the middle of the night. reading an old book in the library. 

enjoy a cup of mc flurry together. listen to me conspire unreasonably and count my tattoos.

If you asking me 

what if this relationship doesn't go as my hoped. I will answer. I'm still happy. for me there is no need to be a partner in the shackles of romanticism (even though it is one of my fantasies) being a friend to listen to your bullshit for hours is really fun. sit together playing poker and make doing silly things a punishment. arguing all night. as I said, my life was dark and covered with many things, I tried to climb and crawl but I don't know what to looking for. Then in the dark, I found your glow. I wrote at length and I convey to you. you glints over the hills. the high gloss I was trying to reach. although it may not be reached at least the dark core of my heart starts to warm and I see the light again. being anything in your life has never been a problem in my life, because once again I know, life can't follow my way,  my imagination. Besides, my biggest wish is that you can be happy. your heart can be warm and full even though the one in front of you is me. messy creatures that you may never meet before. I hope your happiness is as happy as mine.

if you ask me how far i wanna stay. 

then I will ask you back. 

how big you wanna be ? how far you wanna go ? 

how high you wanna fly ? 

how deep you wanna dig ? And there I am, being the fire for all your ambitions. be the wheel for all your journeys. 

be wings for you even though what you want to dive into is hell. be the warhead for all your curiosities. 

I want to assure you that it is not impossible for us to tear the sky apart, scattering its contents to enjoy together. 

listen, 

Maybe it's cheesy, but I don't think heaven is up there. 

Heaven is when I wake up next to you then hug you again. and mumbled a little, letting go of the world and reality behind me. And act unconcerned even if the sky falls, the earth is turbulent and the doomsday is tomorrow. maybe you have your own prayers, have your own images, who knows whose prayers and hopes are granted by God and the universe, but I'm sure it's my efforts would be shake the sky.